


I'm Not Fine At All

by Ohanaa_14



Category: Victorious (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-19 05:31:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19968835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohanaa_14/pseuds/Ohanaa_14
Summary: "…I remember the day you told me you were leaving. I remember the make-up running down your face, and the dreams you left behind you didn't need them. Like every single wish we ever made. I wish that I could wake up with amnesia and forget about the stupid little things. Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you and the memories I never can escape cause I'm not fine at all…"





	1. I'm not fine at all

**Author's Note:**

> All mistakes are mine.

You know how they say that time is the cure for everything...well I think that that is the most huge lie that the mankind could ever come up with...and I'm the live proof of that...because here I am, five years later and I'm still not fine at all. 

You must be asking yourself "what in heaven's name are you talking about?"...I'll explain that but let's begin with the presentations, shall we? My name is Jadelyn Eden West, 26 years old, a famous director, wealthy, have a big house and a different woman in my bed every night; But the most important fact about me is that I'm suffering from a broken heart for five years now and nothing I do can seem to cure it, not even time itself. 

The reason to my heart break goes by the name of Victoria Marie Vega. A beautiful latina with the most gorgeous chocolate eyes, lustful brown hair and a smile that could light up the whole world. 

So... now that you folks know that let's tell you all the reason behind this little outflow. You see I've always been in love with that annoying latina and for some time she was in love with me too, which was really good, but somehow she fell out of love for me or bullshit like that. I still don't know the real reason behind her departure. She me gave that whole "is not you is me" talk and I had to swallow that up and watch her walk away from me. Sad, right? 

At the time i gave myself a entire month to grief then slowly went back to my life working my ass out to make myself whole again, to try and be the person I was before she walked away. It took some time but I finally made it. Of course I wasn't one hundred percent back to my normal self but I was a good ninety percent, and that compared to what I was when she went away, was really good. But I knew that I would never be the same again. 

Yea, though I was "okay" it still hurt like hell. I was, and still am, haunted by memories of us, and by her voice and the sweet nothings she would say to me as we made love. I got to the point I thought I was losing my mind. And that's when I started sleep around looking for something to numb the pain, to at least make it more bearable and for a few months that worked...yeah it worked until I found out that she was engaged. Finding out that she was getting married wasn't even the worst part...what hurt the most is see that other is now giving her what I wanted to give her. 

Well, now you know why I'm drinking myself to numbness. Today is the great day. She's probably saying "I do" to that redhead girl, giving her everything that was supposed to be mine. And what's left of me? Well...nothing that is worth. Yeah I'm still wealthy and famous and I still be writing and directing movies but that's pretty much it. I'm just a empty shell waiting to be taken by the sea. 

I'm really not fine at all. 

And I don't think I'll ever be fine again without her. 

Waking with amnesia would be a really good solution for my case, but I'm not that lucky. So I will keep hurting because time doesn't cure it at all.


	2. Baby, without you, I'm nothing, I'm so lost

Tori's POV

"Trina can you get my phone for me please?" - I ask and surprisingly Trina does get it 

"You having doubts, aren't you?" - she knows me so damn well 

"I just need to make a call...that's all." - I say trying to convince her but we both know is in vain she knows me to well. 

"That's bullshit and you know it." - she sighs - " We both know what will happen if you make that call and I just have one thing to say to you..." - she does a dramatic pause - " Is about damn time." - she smiles at me and walks to the door - " I will bay you some time okay." - she says and leave 

Sometimes it really surprises me how well she knows me. We never were the best sisters, but I always knew I could count on her for anything. But back to my phone call. I have no idea if she will pick up so all I can is pray that she will. 

Beep. Beep. Beep. 

"What do you want Vega? Weren't you supposed to be getting married right now?" - she says and I can hear the hurt in her voice and it breaks me to know that it was me that caused it. 

"I was supposed to be happy right now, right?" - I ask laying my head in the wall in front of me 

"Is what is expected of the bride on her wedding day." - she says coldly 

"So why am I feeling like I'm about to get my head cut off? Why do I feel like I'm making the biggest mistake of my life? Why all I can think about right now is that it was supposed to be you waiting for me out there?" – I whisper closing my eyes 

"I don't know. You were the one that got away. And I truly believe that you the only one that can answer those questions." - she sighs   
"Jade..." 

" Your bride awaits Tori. Make a decision now. Because neither of us can wait for you forever." - she says hanging up 

You know she's right, is not fair to either of them what I'm making them go through. I'm hurting Jade, I'm hurting myself and if things continue like this Cat will get hurt too. 

I just don't get why I having doubts now. Five years later. Maybe is because I always imagined that Jade would be the one waiting for me out there. Or maybe I'm feeling guilty for the way I ended things with her...or this is just the way my heart found to tell me that I still love that scary scissors lover...I don't freak know. 

My relationship with Cat is as perfect as one can be. She's sweet, and innocent, she's beautiful, she's always by my side, we never fight...NEVER. She's just perfect. Yes, she makes me happy and she loves me. 

When I was with Jade it was like live in that "Love the way you lie" song. We fought all the time, she would yell at me; I would throw a vase at her. I would scream "I hate you!" and she would back me up against the wall and whisper "I love you too!" before kiss and carry me to our room and make love to me the whole night saying sweet nothings between kisses and touches. 

I guess that's why I fell so hard for her. She pushes me and I push her back. We made each other better. She had her flaws, but she loved me very much. Yeah, she really knew how to push my buttons, but she also knew me inside out. She knew when to hold me and when to let go of me. She knew how to make me laugh and how to wipe my tears. She knew where to touch me and how to make beg for that special touch that would take me to cloud nine. She knew how to love and how to hate me. How to fix and how to break me. Funny, our relationship was just as crazy as it seems. 

With Cat isn't and will never be like that. She will always be my perfect everything. 

And I really don't know if that's what I want, because I'm a fucking masochist. I need someone with a dark side to make me better. I need that little pain that keeps us all going...I need Her.


	3. Finally Found

"Jade! Open the door!" - Tori screams as she bangs on the door. 

It takes a while but Jade finally opens it... 

"Tori?" - she says letting the brunette in - "What are you doing here?" 

"Choosing." - she says and does not gives Jade time to say anything she simply takes possession of the sinful rose lips that she've being missing. 

She kisses her with passion, with love, with longing. Tori kisses her deeply as if life itself depended of that one kiss. 

Yes, of course, there's questions that still need to be asked, answers that still needed to be given, apologies to be said and forgiveness to be begged...but to Jade nothing of that matters right now. 

Not when clothes were being ripped, when hands were relearning paths that they once knew so perfectly, not when when lips are kissing the exposed skin, not when they're screaming, groaning, moaning each other names... 

Sure, Tori still had all the wedding fiasco to deal with, but that could wait because she finally found what's being missing. She's finally having the taste of that sweet poison that she being craving so hard...everything could wait...everything would wait because in this moment...in the arms of the girl that loved her like no one could...she found what she looked for...she finally found true happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it folks! Thank you all for reading.


End file.
